Date #2: The Christmas Caroler


About sums it up.

Pertinent stats: Since last I’ve seen this man, he has turned another year older and also, he has cut his hair, which he felt compelled to tell me over text. Kinda sweet, if I weren’t a crotchety old bitch who gets itchy every time he texts me because he is CLEARLY into me and I’m not sure that I’m feeling it at all. But on the other hand, it is nice to have someone to chat with and I’m not proud of myself but I’m definitely prolonging the texting by responding and keeping it going even though I’m not super into it. Because ego trips are the cheapest vacations!

Beardliness: Still nada.

Continue reading


Date #2: Major Mustache

kissing bearded men_major mustache_i love this

This was the best of all movies. If you do not agree, take your hand out of my pants.

Pertinent stats: Still tall as hell.  Still beardy.  I had a really fun time with him on the first date, but away from him, I don’t have the same feeling.  I’m not waiting for his texts.  I’m not thinking about kissing him again.  But I’m also not sure that I’ve ever felt that way after a first date?

Beardliness: beard iconbeard iconbeard iconbeard icon

Not much has changed, but I am noticing more gray in his beard.  This is the first beard I’ve ever kissed that’s graying.  Not sure how I feel about it. Continue reading

Date #2: Mr. Honesty

"What do you mean there's no InNOut in the city?!"

“What do you mean there’s no In-n-Out in the city?! Godzilla SMASH!”

Pertinent stats: We’d made plans to see “Godzilla” before the end of the first date.  I have so little interest in seeing this movie, even I’m not sure why I said yes to it.  However, I am a fan of the movie date in general– not a lot of work involved there, does it get more lazy than me? In between dates, we’re texting and he comes up with this gem.

Me: “How’s your week going?”

Him: “Not bad, have a date planned with a cute chick on Friday.”

YOU GUYS.  That’s not me!  I should be offended by this, right?  Instead, I find it kind of hilarious, like that time BART gave me back $3.75 in change in nickels. (“Lady, you’ve won the BART jackpot!”) What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Is it really possible that someone could be this bad at dating? It shouldn’t make me MORE into him, right?  That’s deeply sick.

Beardliness: beard iconbeard iconbeard icon

I’m definitely beard goggling the shit outta him. Continue reading

Date #2: The Southern Gent

kissing bearded men southern gent #2

Eh, not a bad date.

Pertinent stats: This second date is 50% because I had a fun time on the first date with this guy– I’m not particularly into him but I find him easy to be around– and 50% proving to myself that I’m not a raging heightist. (Oh, but I am.  This is a losing battle.)  I’m looking forward to it, but not enough to even de-ponytail my hair, and that’s pretty fucking lazy.

Beardliness: Zero.

Is it possible to give a negative beardliness score?  I think that’s where we’re at. Continue reading

Date #2: Tampon Guy

There Will Be Tampon

 Screen shot 2014-05-21 at 9.07.45 PM

Pertinent information: You know him, a least a little. The man you know as Tampon Guy is about to earn his name.

Beardliness: beard iconbeard iconbeard iconbeard icon  I’m upping it to 4 because of what is about to happen. I’d like to think his beard is mostly at fault for everything.  Also, he took off his hat because NO HATS IN MAH BED and I can see his nice face, which makes the beard look even better! Continue reading