Coffee Meets Bagel Round Up

This may or may not be a gif of the two of us.

In case you just cannot get enough of our writing (we know, we’re the best thing since sliced bread pretty much), we wanted to make sure we have links available to our other articles written for Coffee Meets Bagel.

So here, in the tiny, miniscule, off-chance you don’t completely cyber stalk us, are compiled our articles for Coffee Meets Bagel.

5 Things the “On the Run” Tour Taught Me About Love.

The life-long lessons that Bey and Jay taught me in exchange for an exorbitant amount for a ticket to their concert.  Money well spent!

Date Better.

An exhortation for the gentlemen of the world to pull a “Brink!” (hey EVD baby!) and step up their dating game.  Because, seriously, when has a dick pic ever worked? I mean, EVER.

My Dating Playlist.

Because sometimes (all the time) I need a little something extra to help me get excited for a date. What are your “let’s get pumped up and take off our clothes” jams?

This Turned Into a Post About Poop.

All of the things society tells you not to talk about on a first date?  Let’s talk about them.  Let’s get to know each other better. Let’s start with poop.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!


An Announcement!

I'm so hard right now.

I’m so hard right now.

So you might have noticed that we haven’t been posting quite as frequently as we used to do, in our near-fled youth.

This is true and we are sorry.

There are several reasons for this lapse.  These are all, quite generally, happy reasons.  So be happy for us, dammit! Continue reading

Date #3: Tampon Guy

“End of the cycle” Screen shot 2014-06-16 at 1.58.59 AM

Pertinent information: “We barely touched the tip of the iceberg the first time. I think Monday was gonna be 10x better than you could have imagined, but I understand that’s not what you’re looking for. I don’t think that’s any reason to deprive yourself of some serious fun though.” This text from Tampon is in reference to a “date” I canceled on the week before. The word date is used loosely here as it has become exceedingly clear that I am only interested in tampon sex now. The day we scheduled sex, mostly because of my general disdain for showers, and in a small effort to feel like a better human,  I told Tampon to forget about our little arrangement so I could move forth and perhaps find someone who actually enjoys a nice veggie scramble. BUT THEN I got this fucking text and I am a curious little lady, so I took the bait and drove up to check out Tampon’s new bachelor pad.

Beardliness: It’s gone :/ Continue reading

Date #1: MAGNUM

Screen shot 2014-06-01 at 10.20.51 PM

Pertinent information: Straight outta Tinder, guessing this guy is looking for some vag play. We have been texting for a couple of weeks, and he is a skilled texter. I am laughing a lot, and very impressed by his movie knowledge. He does have a tendency to name drop, so far I know he’s met David Bowie, Wes Anderson, and P. T. Anderson. WHAT. WHO IS THIS GUY.

Beardliness: Disappointing zero. What a sad smooth round face he has. Continue reading

Date #2: Tampon Guy

There Will Be Tampon

 Screen shot 2014-05-21 at 9.07.45 PM

Pertinent information: You know him, a least a little. The man you know as Tampon Guy is about to earn his name.

Beardliness: beard iconbeard iconbeard iconbeard icon  I’m upping it to 4 because of what is about to happen. I’d like to think his beard is mostly at fault for everything.  Also, he took off his hat because NO HATS IN MAH BED and I can see his nice face, which makes the beard look even better! Continue reading