Pertinent information: “We barely touched the tip of the iceberg the first time. I think Monday was gonna be 10x better than you could have imagined, but I understand that’s not what you’re looking for. I don’t think that’s any reason to deprive yourself of some serious fun though.” This text from Tampon is in reference to a “date” I canceled on the week before. The word date is used loosely here as it has become exceedingly clear that I am only interested in tampon sex now. The day we scheduled sex, mostly because of my general disdain for showers, and in a small effort to feel like a better human, I told Tampon to forget about our little arrangement so I could move forth and perhaps find someone who actually enjoys a nice veggie scramble. BUT THEN I got this fucking text and I am a curious little lady, so I took the bait and drove up to check out Tampon’s new bachelor pad.
Beardliness: It’s gone Continue reading