Date #5: The Doubtful Professor

Pertinent stats: So there’s the part of me that’s like, “Listen to yourself.  You are not into him and you know it.” And then there’s the part of me that says, “But maybe you could be into him.  He’s got a lot going for him!  He’s nice and he has good taste in restaurants and he’s driven and he’s got his shit together.” And there’s also the part of me that is a red blinking whore and is just like, “SEX SEX SEX PRETTY DICK SEX.”  And those two latter parts are the parts that are constantly texting him “Archer” gifs (oh man oh man, do I ever know what men like!) and being all, “Hey, so, when can I see you again?  Because I’d like to see you again.  I’d like to see you again with no pants on.”

These two parts are going to run into some issues pretty, pretty, pretty soon, methinks.

Beardliness: beard iconbeard icon

I’d like to demote his beardliness because I am less and less feeling the goatee but 1. That seems mean, kinda and 2. Can’t figure out how to make these stupid icons one half.  I am a bad millennial.  Continue reading


Date #4: The Doubtful Professor

Let us fuck!

Pertinent stats: So there was the sex a few days before this date that I enjoyed (Louis CK distraction and all) and then there was the next day when I was like, “What the fuck am I doing with my life, why am I not into this guy, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I COULDN’T STOP THINKING OF LOUIS CK DURING SEX.” So like, not really sure where my head’s at.

We’re both going to the Giants vs. Padres game the day after The Sexing, and he does the very, very cute move of coming to find me and hanging out for a little bit with my cousin and me. We’re text flirting afterwards during the game (which, by the way, thanks Vogey for the loss, feelin’ great about the post-season) and things get a little graphic. I more or less tell him I’d like to see his pretty dick sooner rather than later. Because when you’re feeling ambivalent about someone, why not at least get laid until you figure out your feelings?  No way this backfires.

Beardliness: beard iconbeard icon

I wish it were a better beard.  Because I’m an asshole.  Continue reading

Coffee Meets Bagel Round Up

This may or may not be a gif of the two of us.

In case you just cannot get enough of our writing (we know, we’re the best thing since sliced bread pretty much), we wanted to make sure we have links available to our other articles written for Coffee Meets Bagel.

So here, in the tiny, miniscule, off-chance you don’t completely cyber stalk us, are compiled our articles for Coffee Meets Bagel.

5 Things the “On the Run” Tour Taught Me About Love.

The life-long lessons that Bey and Jay taught me in exchange for an exorbitant amount for a ticket to their concert.  Money well spent!

Date Better.

An exhortation for the gentlemen of the world to pull a “Brink!” (hey EVD baby!) and step up their dating game.  Because, seriously, when has a dick pic ever worked? I mean, EVER.

My Dating Playlist.

Because sometimes (all the time) I need a little something extra to help me get excited for a date. What are your “let’s get pumped up and take off our clothes” jams?

This Turned Into a Post About Poop.

All of the things society tells you not to talk about on a first date?  Let’s talk about them.  Let’s get to know each other better. Let’s start with poop.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!