Date #3: The Doubtful Professor

Talk direwolves to me.

Pertinent stats: Things had fizzled between us for a few months, so imagine my surprise when out of the blue, the DP messages me and says he wants to get together.  Whoever else you were fucking didn’t really work out?  That’s a shame.  I liked him enough to see him again– he was good for a unique restaurant or two and maybe I can overcome my fear of premature PDA long enough to get to know him a little better.

I’m not exactly convinced but I live and hope.

A note: he’s a pretty funny texter and neither one of us seems that into keeping in touch all that often, which, oddly, I’m into.  Things have been getting progressively text-flirty to the point where this is borderline sexting– just the edge I like to ride.  Could this be the low-maintenence fuck buddy my heart’s been desirous of lately?  Stay tuned!

Beardliness: beard iconbeard icon

Goatee.  The Devil’s own beard! Continue reading


Date #1: The Littlest Drummer Man

louie ck kissing bearded men

I think this speaks for itself. P.S. CK, you could absolutely finger blast me in public.

Pertinent stats: This is one of those quick meet ups, sort of, where you only message for a few days before you just say, “Fuck it, let’s meet up and suck some face.”  6’1” (you can tell that this information is the most important to me because I lead with it pretty much always), hipster-y with an interest in improv and a penchant for punning (I’m all about the alliteration), 28, and I have no idea what he does.  But he lives in Oakland, so there’s that.  From our brief texting courtship phase, our senses of humor seem aligned so there’s that too.  Also, he’s probably not engaged!  (Oh God, what if he’s engaged?!)

I’m coming off a cold a little bit so I’ve got sexy Phoebe Buffay voice. I’m also having a ridiculously good hair day before this date, so yeah.  I’m feeling kinda good tonight.

Beardliness: beard iconbeard icon

I wouldn’t call it a beard.  It’s a ‘stache, some lengthy-ass sideburns and basically what appear to my girl-eyes to be the equivalent of leg warmers for his cheeks– not covering all of it, but keeping him warmer than he might be otherwise. This is the most hipster facial hair I’ve taken for a test drive– we’re falling dangerously close into mutton chops and/or fu manchu territory but what the hell, what else am I doing on a Sunday night.   Continue reading

Update: Hometown Honey

update hometown honey kbm

Chloe and I are suspicious of your ass– for good reason.

Brought to you in a very special blog announcement!  I don’t normally consider even doing these– it would be a whole lot of, “Well, shit just kind of fizzled out” and that’s fun for no one to read– but this is a special case.

The Case of the Mysterious Hometown Honey.

When last we left Hometown Honey, I’d just been on a pretty good date (yes, ok, so I was kind of entranced with Sculpin, but even delicious beer aside, it was a pretty good date) and we’d made tentative plans to watch a few movies together over the weekend.  (Read: Fucktown, population: me.) Continue reading

Date #1: Hometown Honey

ice cube date kissing bearded menPertinent stats: Spent a good week half-heartedly texting this fellow until it came up spontaneously in conversation that we’re from the same small town.  The bay area is a frighteningly small world!  We went to different high schools so I didn’t know him, but a little Facebook stalking reveals two interesting facts: we have several friends in common and also, his profile lists him as engaged.

I’m.  Not sure.  What to do.  With this information.

I mean.  I really don’t think he’s still engaged.  Because he would’ve mentioned that, right?  (In the most naive sentence ever typed…)  But I fully intend to bring it up as soon as possible.  It also appears that his Facebook hasn’t been updated since 2012 so maybe he’s no longer engaged.  (And maybe he’s no longer engaged because he’s married.  Fuck me.)

Anyway, he’s 5’9”, 28, a scientist at a lab that does some sort of cancer testing (I don’t know, I was a lit major, these words you are saying, they make not the sense for my brain), and I’m definitely going on this first date.

Beardliness: Zero beards.

He has no beards.  Saaaad trombone.  BUT.  It does appear that he could grow one, if so inclined. (Grasping at straws?) Continue reading